The only way to go is up-well if you choose to go up!!!

the only way to go is up. well, if you have been down most of your life then the only way to go is up. i was telling tony that when we had one of our first talks many months ago. i said, "hey the only way to go is up right?" he said "No, you can stay where you are and remain in the pain. that is what most people choose to do!" i remember hanging up the phone and thinking, OMG, this is guy hit it right on the head. i was living my life like a nomad when it came to my goals, my body, my desires. i mean, i would run well for a few weeks and then--BANG! i would crash and stay there for another few months until the depression set in again. tony challenged me to find the strength in me to no longer be a statistic. he still inspires me every day. by the way, after my last post, i took the advice of some of my diva sistas who talked with me and told me to pick up the phone. i did. i called big T and he set me on the right path. i guess i should have posted about it but im bad with this dang thing. in fact, i may not post anymore at all.

i bumped into an old girlfriend yesterday. we were close for more than a couple of years before the relationship drifted. she and i were a lot alike. we had a hard past. lots of abuse. pain. food issues, struggles. unlike me, she hasnt found the strength to get better. she has gained 85 pounds and looks like she is dying inside and out. when i walked away from her and we were getting into our cars, i looked back and as i walked away i began to cry. sometimes life sucks. but it was evident to me that we are responsible for our own lives. i will try to help her but it will not be easy. i think talking with her was a bigger help for me than her. i will never go back to where i was. i will never find my self worth in food, or men, or toys--ever again!!! im better than that.

over the past year, thanks to a few dreambodies divas who pointed me in the right direction, i have had one of the best years of my life. it was not without its struggles, but it was great. my body and my mind have never been better and stronger. i overcame all of my eating disorders and food issues. i love what i see when i look in the mirror. maybe that will be my last post before i end this blog thing--i will post a picture so that you all can see me :)

personally, new boyfriend. work is crazy. life is nuts!

this may be my last post for a while. then again, maybe not (hehehehe)

The Monster of Depression

where to begin...well, lets see. since my last post i broke up with my boyfriend, had my apartment get flooded from the one above, spent a lot of time traveling like crazy cause of my uncle who is sick with cancer.

i haven't been blogging like i should because i have been struggling with some depression. those of you who read this dang thing know how i have my ups and downs. it seems like more ups than downs but lately it has been the opposite. my head is not on straight. i have been reading my fellow diva blogs and trying to get inspiration. im training hard and eating right which is astounding to me since i have always wandered in the past when i felt this way and ditched my diet AND exercise for a cheeseburger and fries . it has been a while since i have felt so low. not sure why. had a talk with tony the other day and it helped a lot but i needed to take it a lot further but he was pressed for time. i sent an e-mail AND called but havent heard back from him yet. i hate calling him and bothering him :( so i wait......still waiting.........nope, he hasnt called me back yet...waiting......

anywho, i just feel like losing myself in a pint or two of ice cream. sometimes life is too hard. have i mentioned that life sucks? sorry for being a downer on my first post back in over, oh who the hell knows how long and who cares.

i got nuthin!

La Vida Loca: The Police and My Body!!!

okee dokee sistas, i know that you have all had enough of my lousy blogging consistency. i'm sorry, really i'am. i was thinking about textin big T the sexy G (aka, my hot trainer Tony for all those on Mars and Venus) and i was gonna ask him to give me a diva blog. dam i want a diva blog!!! then i realized. first, he may ask me to put my picture up (Um, i know you all want to see this sista, its comin). then i also realized that he would throw me out for not posting enough (although our lovely diva stacey is giving my ARSE warts from waiting here and hoping for a new entry, WHat? i didn't say nothing LOL). so i will patiently wait for the great one to give me a chance. puleeeeeze T, i will even post some pics (maybe). Anywhoooo, me and my boyfriend are getting along great. yes, i said it, great. this kinda scares me. not really feelin a relationship this deep. i dunno. maybe i'm just not the commitment type. but we are still together and doing well.

my life has been crazy! remember the gym i worked at? remember the crazy owners(if not go back and read my posts)? guess what? one of them has been arrested. punk!! he deserves it. long story short. i was interviewed by the police regarding certain transactions and well, its over and i'm sure glad i left that gym when i did.

my body is not only where i want it to be but better looking now then when i was in high school. which brings me to tina and loris blogs. those two girls really know how to make me cry :( but in a good way :)

tony has my workouts shifting in some new fashion (i forget the scientific term he used). but my body just seems to be responding so well. did i mention i love that man? (daydream to myself: why can't my boyfriend look like tony?) Oops, I'm awake again.

here is something i never thought i would share on a blog or talk about. here goes: i spent time struggling with eating issue and definite disorders. i have shared this before. it has been due to very hard and troubled things in the past. long story short (my theme today-YAY), i will be getting some specific training to help others cope with these types of issues. i will not only use it in my own personal training busniess and the new gym, but also for private wellness coaching. this will help me to keep the finances rolling in and also help me to build my business. my dream is to open a private studio one day.

i know this will require hard work and a lot of sacrifice but i want it that bad. this nation is becoming way, way out of contol with food. i want to help and do more. i love people and it is my passion. i'll keep y'all up to date.

tony divas..UNITE and CONQUER!!

we be the BEST!!!!

Summer and all that Smack!!!

well, i'm sitting here waiting for my boyfriend to pick me up and so i thought i would post since i really, like, SUCK at it lately (LOL). sorry. okay, maybe i'm not sorry. i have been working so many hours at the gym that i don't have time to think about posting. but i love reading about my fellow divas :) so many of the tony divas are really kickin ARSE right now. Kool!!! i'm doing well and eating as clean as a whistle (putting my lips together and blowing). anywhoooo, life is good but busy. i'm taking my new boyfriend to Cali with me on my next trip over. NO,,NO,,relax ladies, it's not that serious. he just wants to make it his summer vaca. my new job is kick ass and i love it. they now have me doing some early morning bootcamp which is packin in the clients :) yeah, they like my style :)

what else? i'm tired of watching these endless fitness infomercials, aren't you? i was never so aware of them until tony brought it up on one of his radio shows. geez louizzze, they are endless and pathetic ! speaking of the radio show, when is the next one??? i got tony-withdrawal :) miss hearing that sexy voice of his. okay stacey, give it up, when you guys hittin us with a show??

don't know why, but i'm really feelin my turkey burgers and these other spinach thingys that tony turned me on to. yummy :0) eating clean is the only way.

okay, done venting for now. boyfriend is here and it's time for a coffee --light and sweet :)

stay strong Divas!

PS- Lori, thanks for stopping by and posting on my blog. not sure where you are or where your blog is, but if you want to holla at me here is my e-mail: miakerr1@yahoo.com

Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon? WTF????????????

okay, so, the post isn't really about mariah and nick. but, while i'm at it, WTF??? i aint got nothing against my brother nick, but how could she marry that boy? AHHHHHHHHHHH. dats just plain ole ridiculous. too bad if you don't agree. this is my blog not yours!!!!!

okay, got it out of my system. now, on to what is more important, my life and lack of blogging :)
thanks to my girlfriend bernee's last post to me, i figured i better get myself together and shout out to y'all.

i have been real bad with blogging and e-mails (my sista evelyne knows that, sorry girlfriend, love you dough, really i do). actually, i was going to take a break from the blogging and computer for a while because it just gets to be too much for me. i will try to be better, promise (smoochies to you all for staying on my back). some of you even e-mailing my sorry arse.

okee dokeee lets see- things are great on the health and fitness front. tony talked me off a cliff last week. yes, i was having a small meltdown but once again the hottest looking trainer on earth knew just the right words to say. long story short, i was slippin a little and going back to my old ways of thinking. this is exactly what caused me to binge in the past. i haven't binged or cheated on a morsel of CRAP in forever (only the cheats that tony permits). i really didnt come close to falling again because i saw the problem and called tony to talk about it. he told me this means i have grown in the MIND area and my thinking has progressed. he was soooooo right. after i hung up with him i ate some oatmeal. had some nuts, drank a shake and felt like i conquered the world. thanks big T. love you dude (more than my girl evelyne does hehehehehe) (wink to you ev) it's on girlfriend :)

anywhoooo, the new boyfriend is still in the picture and all is well and that is another reason why i don't spend any free time on the computer any longer. he bought me a necklace layered in white gold and diamonds (OOOOOOOOOOWOWOWOWOW). at first i was like, "i can't accept this" then he started crying and telling me it was just a gift from his heart and that he didn't expect it to put any relational pressure on me. i said, glad you feel that way poppy, cuz i aint gettin serious with you. i'll take the necklace for now, thanks" it is beautiful and i love it but its just a necklace. i'm not ready to get serious wit no man right now.

i'll check in real soon. cross my heart and hope to die promise. hugs and kisses to all my diva sistas.

Keepin it Real--Crazy that is!!

whoa! i don't know where to begin.

I know many of you have been waitin on my post. Sorry. but it has been crazeeeeee on my end. new job is great! i'm working with the head trainer who is also the director for the health club i'm working at and he has been real good with me and my schedule. my hours are flexible and i'm making some good cheddar (cash money for those who may not understand my slang-LOL). i have more clients than i can handle and the director is not giving me too many classes to run which is what i was promised :) i'm happy to be working in an evironment that is peaceful and thriving. well, well, let's see. yes, okay, i'm dating someone now for the past two weeks and it is lookin real good with us and that is why my blogging and computer time has been so bad. we're spending a lot of time together. better keep my mouth shut since i might jinx myself. on another front, i have a girlfriend who i have been spending a lot of time with because she is involved in a pretty abusive relationship and i have been trying to help her through it. not physical abuse, but the emotional and verbal can be worse sometimes and this guy takes the cake with it. that's why i have been so busy and not on top of my blog and e-mails for that matter.

on the training front. my workouts are killer and tony has me doing some kind of cardio curcuit blitz that is really kickin my butt. my nutrition is spot on and i'm probably in the best shape of my entire life right now. i know, i know, i need to post pictures. i will,,one day (hehehe). just so darn body conscious.

let's see, on another note, tony had his Blog Talk radio show yesterday. all i can say is the the boy is da bomb!!!! Stacey rocked TOO!!! i listened to it over a girlfriends house and there was a few of us who listened together. tony is not only HOT as HELL gorgeous but also one of those guys who makes you just think and cry and melt when he speaks. anyway, in one part of the show tony spoke about integrity and how we must not be divided within ourselves. well, one of my girlfriends started to get very choked up and started to get really emotional. i was like, "what's wrong?" she was like, " my whole life i have been just like that. i make excuses and i have integrity for everyone else but not with my life and my self" it got deeper as she shared how some of the things tony mentioned about values made her think of her father who passed away. long story short, she will definitely be calling tony and working with him. i checked with her earlier today and she has already made changes in her life. she needs to get healthy not only for the sake of losing a few pounds, but because of her family history with some health issues.

okeee dokeee, dats all for now friends, girlfriends, sistas, and fellow divas :) see ya when i see ya!

Back up, BIATCH!

ah life. so wonderful and yet so filled with CRAP-ola :0) i'm not going to spend too much time on the gym saga except to say that i will be leaving in about 3-4 weeks. but, it seems until that time i will need to deal with a new manager FROM HELL! her name is, o'well, WTF, her name is justine and she is a BIATCH! i think they hired her just to make things uncomfortable for me.

soooo, are you ready to hear what this new girl did to me? she walks up to me and asks me for my upcoming monthly schedule. she wanted to know how many spin classes, aerobic classes and bod pump classes i had lined up and then she said she also wanted all of my clocked hours with clients names and dates/times. HOLD ON, i haven't shared the kicker yet~! she did all of this while i was in the middle of training a client~~~! can you believe that?? my client looked at me and said, "if you need to go do something, i understand Mia!" i said, "Hell NO. what i need to do is tell this BIATCH to back off while i'm working." she turned to me and said, "what did you just say? are you talking about me?" i said, "Hell yaaaa, i'm talking about you, so back off"

now mind you, this came after i gave her the EYES and told her we really need to do this later. she didn't care and continued to bother me. sooooo, whatever! i then had to have a pow wow with one of the owners and her. who cares (LOL). i'm outta there and off to another facility with much better pay and more opportunities to have my personal promotions.

workouts are great. eating is great. my body has never looked like this--ever. mindset is great.

i actually started spending more and more time on doing lots of i mind-motivational exercises that tony gave me to do and also some planning he assigned me. it helped me bigtime to rekindle the coals of my fires.

lovin my life right now. keep on keepin at it DIVAS. the Dreambodies Divas will rule the world one day :)

No More Drama and I Never Want to Look back

i'm sitting here writing this with tears in my eyes. good tears. happy tears. although i'm young, my life has been filled with pain. a lot of pain. so much so that when that song by MJ Blige came out "No More Pain" all of my friends, girlfriends and family members (ones i talk to anyway) all told me they thought of ME when they heard that song. i was like, "gee, thanks...i think"

well, i can say as i sit here typing this that i finally have my life back. it has been a long journey and although i know it is far from over, i can say without hesitation I HAVE WON the battle. I have now overcome the "food" issue and it is NO longer a demon in my life. binging, purging, crying, eating and doing it all over again day after day. i would have liked to blame it on my career (past tense) when i was modeling. as a model i had no choice but to eat nothing most of the time or lose jobs. long story short, some days me and my model girlfriends would joke about who had a bigger piece of lettuce that day. that's right, one piece of lettuce for the entire day. not a salad. ONE PIECE of lettuce!! it was sick. then there would be days of uncontrollable binging. i truly thought i would NEVER turn my life around. i prayed and cried on a daily basis for months. i knew if i didn't get control over it that my life was over. i found my way and i have now been clean for almost a year. i have not eaten anything unhealthy in almost the same time. i have attended many, many parties and looked at foods that i LOVE but never gave in and did not want to.

my life is now MY life. my body is transformed and new and clean and i will never turn back. my inspiration always came from my grandmother. she lived for me it seemed. she has passed and i miss her every single day. i love you mammaboo. but i was blessed to have another inspiration in my life. my trainer Tony. he gave me back my mind, my body and my health. he taught me HOW to think and see things in a new way. i was pushy but he never gave up on me. he kept teaching me and i kept listening to him. i owe him more than i will ever be able to repay him.

so now i sit here with some herbal tea and as i relfect on my life i feel invincible knowing that i overcame so much and now i have so much ahead of me to run towards.

thank you all for your wonderful comments and e-mails. you know who you are and many of you Tony Divas (so many not even in the same circles), have been another source of inspiration and i appreciate you all very much. kisses and hugs to each and every one of you.

i think i will finish my cry and hit the gym :)

As my stomach turns the barbells Burn!!

My Stomach: for real, the guys who own the gym i train at are freakin nuts! okay, that is a severe understatment. they need a lifetime of therapy. okay, that is still not expressing my thoughts here. let's say first, i'm sick to my stomach and don't want to work at this gym anymore. here goes the latest saga: the other day the two owners call all of the staff into the office. they begin this stupid meeting by saying that they are thinking of breaking their partnership and so one of them may move on and take sole ownership of another gym not that far from us. ahhhh, YEAH, we all , looked at each other like "WTF?". then they say, "decide where you want to work because we want you to make a choice (insert>> WTF???) i turned around and couldn't keep my mouth shut anymore so i said, "i'm not happy working for either of you two guys, so how about that?" BaBooooom!! you could have heard a pin drop. they looked at me and said, "sorry to hear that you're so unhappy, why are you here then?". i said, "i'm here because it pays the bills." then i said, "shouldn't your question be "why are you unhappy working here or why do you not want to work with either of us?" so the nutty steroid boss (let's call him MOE) turns to me and says, "i don't really give a F$%K why you're unhappy, get your SH$T AND GET OUT!"

no, i didn't cry and i never let thugs make me cry. i popped off more punks than these two clowns in my life already. i turned to him and said, "i will gladly leave. learn how to run a business you freakin loser." (i admit i was a bit scared for a moment as he jumped up because i've seen this guy lose it) at that point he walks towards me with a crazy look on his face. i said, "what? whatcha gonna do tough guy?" ((( here is where i said something i didn't plan on saying--see below))) now as he gets closer his partner steps in the middle and says "okay that's enough. Mia is entitled to her opinion. we don't exactly run this place well sometimes." here is were it gets good. then one of the trainers turns to both of them and says, "you guys are running this place to the ground and i'm sickof your bullsh$%T." ( this trainer knows these two for years and they have sponsered his bodybuilding shows and stuff.). guess what happens next? you got it, a brawl right there in the office. two guys working out in the gym had to come in from the gym and break it up. fists were flying. after it all cooled down the cops came. we all sat down and the owners apologized to all of us and me personally. we worked out an arrangement "if" they decide to split up. FYI, i have thrown my resume at a few places and i'm gettin out. i admit that what kept me there was the money. these guys PAY WELL. as trainers we get a huge split and a portion of gym memberships and even more. but, i can't take it anymore. so, i say, PEACE! I be Gone"

confession time: as the steroid boss (MOE) walked towards me and i cracked words at him, i just felt compelled to say the following words, "If you lay a hand on me, my trainer Tony from New York is going to crush your A#s". yeah, i know, probably shouldn't have dragged the T-man into it but i know he wouldn't mind (hehehehe) BTW, it did work and before his partner stepped in the middle he was scratching his head and trembling ( i showed him a picture of tony once).

Barbells: well enough of the soap opera that turns my stomach. i can say that my workouts and eating have been "spot on" the money. tony has me doing some intense barbell routines that are a lot of compound movements all in his "CRIT-style" which is kickin my butt big time and i'm loving it. i'm so happy right now in my life. i finally overcame my food issues. it didn't come easy and Tony is the one that gave me the victory. every time he would talk to me and tell me what to do and how to do it, i would write it down and follow it to the 't'. i thought i would be forever shackled to my binges and my sorrow. i would go from two full weeks of eating clean and thinking i had "won the battle" only to find myself stuffing a whopper and fries down my throat. then, i would stick my finger down my throat. yes, i said it, i did it. it was a terrible cycle. how did i overcome it, his name is Tony Dicostanzo and he is the master of mind and body conditioning. if you really WANT to change NO ONE can do it like he can.

i will leave by quoting similar to my girlfriend, evelyne over on her blog: Tony if you ever do read my blog, YOU ARE A GENIUS and I'm absolutely, totally, unequivocally indebted to you"

i could cry when i think of how this man has changed my life and my body beyond my wildest dreams.

well, DIVAS, i hope he and stacey give us the scoop soon because i'm dyin to know what is happening :) later for now :)

Reality Shows and THE TRUTH about Me!!

my life seems to be MY reality show, so i'm not too interested in many of these ridiculous TV programs anymore. i just wake up and open my eyes and there is REALITY (hehehehe). my reality show life kinda looks like that show on BRAVO , Workout (i think that's the name) with the gym owner girl because i work as a trainer at a crazy health club (no names, sorry). anyway, so much crap going on at my gym that it's hard to explain. the two guys that own the gym are criminals. one is on steroids bigtime and the other is a playboy who spends all day trying to "help" girls do their sets and reps right (uhh-hmm). well, yesterday they got into a fight and the steroid guy tossed a computer across the office and it hit one of the other trainers in the face. not funny at all. then some girl comes in cryin because"playboy" boss didn't pick her up earlier for lunch and drinks and she was sad. little did she know he was up in another office boinking one of the new trainers (YUK). he tried to pull that sh$t with me more than once but i let him have it "street-style" and he hasn't tried since.

dating scene is quiet right now, but that is about to change as i seem to have found someone i think is awesome, okay i better relax and not jinx it (LOL)

my workouts are awesome and i'm gettin stronger every day. my body is lookin crazy-hot. maybe i'll lose the vanity and post up one or two pics soon for yall to see. i haven't looked like this ever in my life and have some truth to share about my past. i used to have a serious eating disorder. okay, it was life threatening, that's pretty serious huh? i recently read so many other girls sharing and telling some of their darkest trials, i just felt it was time to talk about it. i have a problem sharing too much of it because i was never able to deal with it myself let alone talk about it. although i have shared some of my personal past, lets just say that life was pretty much over at one point. im getting emotional now so ill save the rest for another time.

anyway, thanks to my friend and the greatest personal trainer in the universe (Tony-DUH), i now live for today and tomorrow and feel like i can conquer the world. there was a time when i didn't think i would make it. i know, i was young and had my whole life ahead of me but still didn't think i would make it. life is precious and time is NOT something you get back. Tony taught me that once. you can get back money, things and all the stuff in the world if you work hard enough,,but you never get back time. so true. so true. i'm not wasting anymore of mine. you will never read this tony,,but thank you,,thank you tony for the new body and the new mind.

well, off to the crazy gym for another day of wackiness!!!!

California and O'Yeah The Newsletter that Made me Cry!!

i'm here in california with family and also working while I take some time here on the West coast. I do a lot of that east coast/west coast thing. tupac and Dr. Dre said it best "California, knows how to party" (guess that will fly over the heads of those who don't follow hip/hop).

thought i would blog and say hey. things are going great with my workouts and i'm loving the way tony has me going back and forth from body part to full blown CRIT (crit is secret DreamBodies language so i can't give specifics or tony would kill me- and sue me). o' well, i feel kinda tired of the whole dating thing. every time i come to LA, my family tries to hook me up with this guy from over here or that guy from over there (LOL) and I know it is all in an effort to get me to move to california. not gonna happen. but anyway, the dates have been boring and i've decided to focus on me and leave the men alone for a while. whether my family likes it or not.

gotta share something with my tony divas. did y'all see the newsletter about him running and crying??? OMG, i was like in tears reading it. hard to picture this big, sexy gorgeous guy running and balling on the treadmill. but, that is why we love him. his e-mails lately have motivated me beyond words. he always knows how to tap into your soul and get you to keep moving forward.

i have decided that i will probably definitely do a figure show next summer. now i need to begin to write out my goals and formulate the game plan.

does anybody watch american idol? i know that's random but i was curious.

heading back home next week!

Talk to y'all later :)