i'm sitting here writing this with tears in my eyes. good tears. happy tears. although i'm young, my life has been filled with pain. a lot of pain. so much so that when that song by MJ Blige came out "No More Pain" all of my friends, girlfriends and family members (ones i talk to anyway) all told me they thought of ME when they heard that song. i was like, "gee, thanks...i think"
well, i can say as i sit here typing this that i finally have my life back. it has been a long journey and although i know it is far from over, i can say without hesitation I HAVE WON the battle. I have now overcome the "food" issue and it is NO longer a demon in my life. binging, purging, crying, eating and doing it all over again day after day. i would have liked to blame it on my career (past tense) when i was modeling. as a model i had no choice but to eat nothing most of the time or lose jobs. long story short, some days me and my model girlfriends would joke about who had a bigger piece of lettuce that day. that's right, one piece of lettuce for the entire day. not a salad. ONE PIECE of lettuce!! it was sick. then there would be days of uncontrollable binging. i truly thought i would NEVER turn my life around. i prayed and cried on a daily basis for months. i knew if i didn't get control over it that my life was over. i found my way and i have now been clean for almost a year. i have not eaten anything unhealthy in almost the same time. i have attended many, many parties and looked at foods that i LOVE but never gave in and did not want to.
my life is now MY life. my body is transformed and new and clean and i will never turn back. my inspiration always came from my grandmother. she lived for me it seemed. she has passed and i miss her every single day. i love you mammaboo. but i was blessed to have another inspiration in my life. my trainer Tony. he gave me back my mind, my body and my health. he taught me HOW to think and see things in a new way. i was pushy but he never gave up on me. he kept teaching me and i kept listening to him. i owe him more than i will ever be able to repay him.
so now i sit here with some herbal tea and as i relfect on my life i feel invincible knowing that i overcame so much and now i have so much ahead of me to run towards.
thank you all for your wonderful comments and e-mails. you know who you are and many of you Tony Divas (so many not even in the same circles), have been another source of inspiration and i appreciate you all very much. kisses and hugs to each and every one of you.
i think i will finish my cry and hit the gym :)