Monday, March 17, 2008

No More Drama and I Never Want to Look back

i'm sitting here writing this with tears in my eyes. good tears. happy tears. although i'm young, my life has been filled with pain. a lot of pain. so much so that when that song by MJ Blige came out "No More Pain" all of my friends, girlfriends and family members (ones i talk to anyway) all told me they thought of ME when they heard that song. i was like, "gee, thanks...i think"

well, i can say as i sit here typing this that i finally have my life back. it has been a long journey and although i know it is far from over, i can say without hesitation I HAVE WON the battle. I have now overcome the "food" issue and it is NO longer a demon in my life. binging, purging, crying, eating and doing it all over again day after day. i would have liked to blame it on my career (past tense) when i was modeling. as a model i had no choice but to eat nothing most of the time or lose jobs. long story short, some days me and my model girlfriends would joke about who had a bigger piece of lettuce that day. that's right, one piece of lettuce for the entire day. not a salad. ONE PIECE of lettuce!! it was sick. then there would be days of uncontrollable binging. i truly thought i would NEVER turn my life around. i prayed and cried on a daily basis for months. i knew if i didn't get control over it that my life was over. i found my way and i have now been clean for almost a year. i have not eaten anything unhealthy in almost the same time. i have attended many, many parties and looked at foods that i LOVE but never gave in and did not want to.

my life is now MY life. my body is transformed and new and clean and i will never turn back. my inspiration always came from my grandmother. she lived for me it seemed. she has passed and i miss her every single day. i love you mammaboo. but i was blessed to have another inspiration in my life. my trainer Tony. he gave me back my mind, my body and my health. he taught me HOW to think and see things in a new way. i was pushy but he never gave up on me. he kept teaching me and i kept listening to him. i owe him more than i will ever be able to repay him.

so now i sit here with some herbal tea and as i relfect on my life i feel invincible knowing that i overcame so much and now i have so much ahead of me to run towards.

thank you all for your wonderful comments and e-mails. you know who you are and many of you Tony Divas (so many not even in the same circles), have been another source of inspiration and i appreciate you all very much. kisses and hugs to each and every one of you.

i think i will finish my cry and hit the gym :)


thirtysomething said...

Oh Mia I'm crying right now as I read this. I know exactly those feelings!! But it is such a relief to see how far you have come!! Thank you for always being my cheerleader along the way, and for your blog as it has always been an inspiration to me!! Tony has meant the world to me too!!

Anonymous said...

Um yeah *sniffle* I'm with Tina. Awesome post and congrats on all you've overcome! Thanks for sharing :)

April said...

Yes, I know exactly how you feel too! It's like I don't know who I am anymore being "happy" with myself. The best part of it is I am eating!! Cry away girl but make sure they are happy tears :)

Mia said...

thanks girls. you don't know how good it feels to be able to say that i no longer have to fight the same fight. i truly never thought i would win my food battle. thanks to tony and my diva girls, my life will never be the same. all of your words and encouragement mean more than words can say. big hugs!!!

Anonymous said...

I'm so happy to hear this Mia. You are a wonderful and inspiring person and you deserve nothing but happiness. You are in my heart girl. Forever and always.

Hage Family said...

yeah!!! so happy for you! I understand that viscious cycle you are talking about and what a relief to finally be off of it! So glad you are in a happy place now!!! Rock it girl!

Ruby said...

Mia..I know exactly how you feel. I am a different person that I was before I started with Tony. With him you just never want to give up.
You have overcome so much Mia!!
It just goes to show that even though we hit rock bottom there is a way out and to never give up.
Thanks for all your support Mia and sending hugs your way!!!