Monday, November 10, 2008

The only way to go is up-well if you choose to go up!!!

the only way to go is up. well, if you have been down most of your life then the only way to go is up. i was telling tony that when we had one of our first talks many months ago. i said, "hey the only way to go is up right?" he said "No, you can stay where you are and remain in the pain. that is what most people choose to do!" i remember hanging up the phone and thinking, OMG, this is guy hit it right on the head. i was living my life like a nomad when it came to my goals, my body, my desires. i mean, i would run well for a few weeks and then--BANG! i would crash and stay there for another few months until the depression set in again. tony challenged me to find the strength in me to no longer be a statistic. he still inspires me every day. by the way, after my last post, i took the advice of some of my diva sistas who talked with me and told me to pick up the phone. i did. i called big T and he set me on the right path. i guess i should have posted about it but im bad with this dang thing. in fact, i may not post anymore at all.

i bumped into an old girlfriend yesterday. we were close for more than a couple of years before the relationship drifted. she and i were a lot alike. we had a hard past. lots of abuse. pain. food issues, struggles. unlike me, she hasnt found the strength to get better. she has gained 85 pounds and looks like she is dying inside and out. when i walked away from her and we were getting into our cars, i looked back and as i walked away i began to cry. sometimes life sucks. but it was evident to me that we are responsible for our own lives. i will try to help her but it will not be easy. i think talking with her was a bigger help for me than her. i will never go back to where i was. i will never find my self worth in food, or men, or toys--ever again!!! im better than that.

over the past year, thanks to a few dreambodies divas who pointed me in the right direction, i have had one of the best years of my life. it was not without its struggles, but it was great. my body and my mind have never been better and stronger. i overcame all of my eating disorders and food issues. i love what i see when i look in the mirror. maybe that will be my last post before i end this blog thing--i will post a picture so that you all can see me :)

personally, new boyfriend. work is crazy. life is nuts!

this may be my last post for a while. then again, maybe not (hehehehe)